How will you know when you've arrived? Goal Setting.

I told myself several years ago that by the time I was thirty I was going to, "have it together."  Well guess what, everyone?  I'm 30.  I don't have it all together, and I'm pretty okay with it.  But there are a few things that I really want to get done.  In the past, I've work with my clients extensively on setting and attaining goals in their lives, and I realized very recently that I haven't been taking my own advice.  

In a group session when I ask my clients what their goals are, they often say something like, "I want to be successful!"  My next question is always, "What does that look like for you?"  The obvious intent here is to help my clients make their goals more specific so that they can start planning how to achieve them.  Once they define for themselves what successful means that can start creating it for themselves.  So, as an example, J and I are trying to cook at home more.  Specifically we want reduce our food costs.

The next step is to make sure that the goal is reasonable.  If I have a client who tells me that they want to become a doctor in the next 2 years, and they haven't yet gotten their G.E.D it's obvious that they are setting themselves up for failure.  So to that end I would encourage them to make a goal that focuses on the next step toward their larger aim over the next two years.  For J and I cooking at home more to reduce food costs is reasonable up to a point.  It really depends on how low we want our food budget to go.  So it is highly likely that we can reduce our costs down to less than $700/month.  If we wanted to reduce it to $200 we'd be in unreasonable food territory given our desire to eat organic, locally grown, whole foods that are minimally processed.

Notice that I put a specific dollar figure on our food budget.  That means that my goal is measurable.  Thanks to the magic of Mint.com I will know exactly how much money I spend and whether or not I've achieved my goal.  If I just said I want to reduce my food budget it would me measurable, but it wouldn't be specific enough.  

And so begins ASC's series on goal setting and making life changes.  Over the next several Mondays and Wednesdays I'm going to lay out the shape I want my life to take over the next year, and the steps I'm willing to take to get there.  I'll report back in as time goes on to let you know how I'm doing.

Ask. Tell.

The Senate has repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell.  I'm so stinkin' excited about this that I can hardly stand it.  If anything, I'm shocked at how many Senators chose to vote against this bill.  Thirty-one Senators chose to vote against the civil rights of Gay Americans willing to die for their country.  Really?  It is as if 31 educated and experienced legislators said,

"Hey there, gay folks...I'm going to need you to bring your linguistic skills, your other skills, your work ethic, your patriotism, and your desire to serve on into my organization.  I'm going to need you to use everything you bring to the table to support and defend the constitution which defends my right to bash you and say hateful things about you.  Oh, and I'm going to need you to keep your mouth shut about it because some folks think being gay is icky.  Thanks for your service!"

What!?  How does that make any sense at all?  And by the way, how is it that The Pentagon decided to pole service members in the first place?  Since when does The United States Military go around asking service members their opinion on anything?  If I remember correctly, the way things worked, people told me what to do, and then I did it.  Also, since when do we go around taking polls on whether we should do what's right?  No one took a pole when the armed forces were racially integrated.  No one took a pole when women were finally allowed to serve on combatant ships.  

Let's be clear though.  There will be growing pains.  I'll go as far as to say that some folks will get hurt.  People might even lose their lives over this, but that's not a good enough reason to continue with the status quo.  No one really questioned the role of women on ships by the time I arrived on The U.S.S. Theodore Roosevelt in 2001.  It was a non-issue.  I feel that eventually the same will happen for gays and lesbians.  Actually, I think it will happen sooner because service members have been serving with known gays and lesbians forever.  In fact, many are already serving relatively openly.  It's just that now if someone gets angry and brings it to the attention of the command, a persons career can be ruined.  

I'm proud of my country, and I'm proud that Congress got this done.  I'm proud because it seemed so obvious to me.  I'm excited because lately it seems like our government doesn't make much progress on anything.  I'm proud because as so rarely happens in our country, our Congress did what was right without regard to partisan rhetoric or lines.  They did what was right because it was the right thing to do...awesome!

A Little Science Fiction

Recently I read The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin.  The book is fascinating for many reasons.  A planet of humans is split between anarchist workers and a capitalistic ruling class.  The government, in order to avoid revolution, allows the anarchists to settle the moon, Anares.  The Anaresti create a civilization devoid of authority where people work and study based on their own will and desire.  The society reminds me of communism without central authority.  The Urasti, inhabitants of the original planet, are similar to modern humans.  There exist two very powerful states: Ai-O and Thu which can be seen to represent The United States and The Soviet Union respectively.  You can read the entire plot summary on Wikipedia.

There are several things I found interesting about reading this book.  First is the fact that I forget how much a like science fiction.  I don't read it very often, but I always enjoy it when I do.  I really like authors who can extrapolate what humanity will be like based on what we are like. 

Another really important part of this book is how women are treated in it.  The only society we are introduced to in this book that truly embraces women as co-human is the anarchist society that has no modern analogue.  The women of the societies in the book who have modern analogues are treated as ornamental or expendable.  There is a particularly beautiful child birth scene in the book that is without panic or fear for the woman.  The brithing scene puts her in control of the situation with work to be done that she is happy to do.  It doesn't strike  me as a sugar coating or the process, but more an alternative vantage. 

The books presentation of anarchy is interesting, and isn't presented in a way I would have considered.  I've always associated anarchy with chaos, but that isn't at all how Le Guin portrays it.  Instead she sees it as a collection of people doing what must be done to survive and pursuing their own goals and ambitions.  It's interesting however, that this ideal is slowly erroded as time passes within the society.  Government and power seem to emerge organically from within, without safegurads.  Le Guin seems to argue that where there is a power void there will always be those among humans who wish to fill it.  Maybe it's innate in our cultural evolution.  She sets forth an alternative reality, but also forces the reader to question whether or not there is something in us at a basic level that leads to unchanging societal dynamics.  I really enjoyed it.  Let me know what you think?